"One year ago, the mountain ahead of us seemed so high.
Now, as I look down from a plateau, I marvel at the beauty I didn't expect to see.

One year ago, I was so scared about what the future held for you.
Your problems only had a name, now I see only your precious face.

One year ago, I didn't know how blue your eyes would be.
Now, they sparkle and dance back at me as we adore each other.

One year ago, I listed my requests to God about your birth, health, everything.....
Now, I smile as I realize that He answered every single one, big and small.

One year ago, 'normal' life seemed a thing of the past.
But this summer, we came 'full circle' as we introduced you to our summer fun.

One year ago, our family wasn't complete.
Now, your chubby little hands hold ours.

One year ago, they told me that you might not be okay.
Now, I proclaim to the world that you are just perfect.

One year ago, you had a name but we didn't know who you were....
Now, I watch in awe as you grow and touch lives just by being you.

One year ago, I couldn't imagine this day. I could hardly imagine how we would get
through that first week. Now, we're here and I'm so glad we're not back there.

One year ago, I had no earthly idea how hard this year would be.
Now, I thank God for carrying me while I carried you. We made it, sweet baby."

Since my daughter's first birthday just passed, I found that fitting to post. I'm not sure where it came from (it was sent to me by my mother), but it fits our lives perfectly. I bawled like a baby when I read it. I love how it says "we made it, sweet baby". We have a long journey ahead, but if we can make it through those first few weeks of finding out her diagnosis, we can make it through anything.

She had her nutrition appointment yesterday and her granny, aunt and cousin came along (along with her usual fan posse -- me, Mike and Kalen). They weighed her and got 16 pounds 2 ounces which is 7 ounces lighter than what her pediatrician office weighed her at, so that was hard to take. She was also measured as not quite as long, but I forgot the exact measurement. Truthfully I think I tried zoning out after seeing she weighed less. I'm sure it's just the difference in the scales, but darnit 7 ounces a lot for her.

We found out she is off the scale for "normal" growth. No more 3rd percentile. The dietitian said we won't even think about a g-tube until we exhaust every other option. Right now she's on a higher calorie diet and then we'll be weighing her again in 7 weeks. I feel a bit discouraged, though, because she isn't taking to table foods all that well. She's so used to her baby food and tries to swallow it down before chewing. She also doesn't like feeding herself. If I put food on her tray, she either swipes it off onto the floor or she picks up each piece and tosses it. I also hate how guilty I feel for pumping my baby full of fattening foods. Who sticks a tablespoon of butter in their baby's oatmeal?! I know it's necessary, but man do I struggle with it.

I'm praying with a bit more practice she'll get the hang of it. She'll be seeing genetics next month so I'm curious what they'll have to say.

I got all my school shopping done for Kalen. Now to just sit back and wait for school to start. I'm excited for him. :)

This Month a Year Ago...

Has it really been a year already? Looking back at when she was born, I could hardly imagine her being six months, let alone a year old. I thought, "there's plenty of time before even thinking about that!". It has truely gone by so fast.

We had her birthday party July 14th, and it was so much fun. I was a bit worried because she hadn't napped as long as I hoped she would before her party, and I figured she'd be one grumpy grouch. She was quite the opposite, actually, but that shouldn't surprise me. She typically does things opposite of what most people expect of her!

I went with a Hello Kitty themed party. I've always loved Hello Kitty, and since she's too young to pick her own party idea I figured I can get away with it. Here's a few pictures of the decor...

Next was her cake. Luckily, for first birthdays they give you a free 7 inch cake that matches the main one for the baby to dig into. They turned out really cute!



This was the main cake.

Along with Madison's own mess cake to play with and eat!

Her cake didn't stay pretty for long, but we'll get to that in a minute. It was a small party, which made it a bit more special if you ask me. I liked celebrating with close family who love her as dearly as her mom and dad does. She's one lucky little girl.

Here's a few of the birthday girl!

This is her with her cousin Violet. Poor Violet looks like she's being sit on, but I assure you she was fine!



Now on to the goodies! Kalen helped her open her gifts. He's such an incredible big brother.

Madison with her first present. And YES she started digging in by herself! (She wanted the paper so she could eat it, but lets just continue believing she was REAL eager for her present!)

Sissy and her brubber. That was the present he got her. It also became one of her favorites!

Pretty baby

                                               Kalen showing her the new onsie she got!

Digging in!

Gift from Aunt Jenny (also one of her favorites)

We loved this gift because not only does it have rails around it to guard her from falling off, you can remove them when she gets a bit older. You can also attach a handle and take her for a walk on it. How cute is it?!

Blowing out the candle!

On to the messiest part of the day. I'm pretty sure she could win an award for Most Messiest Cake Eater...

Starting off...

Getting worse...

And worse...

Nice, huh?! She had icing from head to toe

The aftermath...

She required a double bath that night. We had to take the highchair out back and hose it down. It was so bad! It was worth every bit of it, though. I wasn't too sure that she'd touch the cake, let alone do that.

The very next day (I know, I know. We had to go right after her first birthday celebration. So unfair.) she had to go to the doctor for a 12 month check up. It unfortunately included shots. I debated for weeks if I should postpone the MMR. I was terrified of a bad reaction. She never had a reaction from a shot before (besides fever and soreness), but for some reason this one had me on edge. I'll admit that it was mostly because of all the controversy involved with it. We decided that it was best to go through with it in the end, though. We don't know how strong her immune system is, and if she did catch measles or mumps, I'd never forgive myself. It was hard enough to come to that decision, but with my luck she started to have an almost immediate reaction to it. You can imagine how upset I was. I kept saying "I tried to make the best decision for her, and this is what happens". It was a bit of an overreaction, though, because she was fine. Where they had given the shots her legs had developed some welts. We had to stay a bit longer than anticipated to ensure that they wouldn't spread. She turned out fine, and they went away within hours. She reacted better to these shots than she has any others. No fever, no agitation, no soreness. I was very surprised, because I anticipated a few days of sickness.

We got some good news while there... she had gained 9 ounces in a 3 week period! She also gained about another 1/2 to 1 inch in height. That's such a huge relief. She still will be seeing the nutritionist on the 28th of the this month, but she has now been switched to whole milk versus formula. I've also upped her food intake as well and she has been handling this very well. I'm ready to get a few more pounds/inches on my girl!

Other than the nutritionist, we won't be needing to see anymore specialist for a while. She goes for a routine check up with her geneticist in September, but that's all for now. Phew. She has been doing incredible. She's still not walking, but we're working towards that direction. She's refusing to crawl (she rolls or pushes with her legs while on her back to get where she wants), but her PT thinks she may just be one of those children who never crawl. We shall see. We'll just continue to let Maddy be Maddy.

On to the other utmost important part of my life... Kalen starts kindergarten August 16th. Seriously? My first born is in kindergarten?! I'm so proud of who he is as a person. I've been so blessed. I truely couldn't ask for better kids.

His birthday is in October, so that's the next celebration we're preparing for. I'm pretty sure he'll want a Ben 10 themed party, but that could change by October. I can't wait! I definitely enjoy this stuff as much as he does.

I'll be updating on her nutritionist appointment and hopefully on some weight gain! Wish us luck!